By Crabby McSlacker
Yep, as you can tell by my accent, I’m still in Texas. Our place in Provincetown Massachusetts is still undergoing renovation.
And how’s that going?
Since our move-in date is fast approaching, we were curious ourselves. So a few days ago some kind friends of ours stopped by the place to snap an encouraging picture for us and…
Still a little work to do, apparently.
Of course there are all sorts of tempting analogies I could draw between home remodeling and fitness. Because home improvement and self improvement projects have a lot in common, right? Both require patience, planning, determination, a long-term perspective, and copious amounts of alcohol.
Wait, there’s something not quite right about that list. Something’s on there that really shouldn’t be. Ah yes, you’re all ahead of me here: it’s planning.
Screw planning. Whatever you plan for? Some other different shit is going to happen instead.
But this is a health and fitness blog, albeit an aging, whiny, slackerish, meandering, half-assed, bizarro version of a health and fitness blog. And if I don’t put up a post soon? It’s going to be a dead health and fitness blog with no readers at all. That would suck.
Note: This post was actually supposed to be about Transcendental Meditation. That was next on my list, yet I don’t feel like writing it. It’s going to be a mess. I have a lot of confused thoughts and ambivalent feelings about it, plus, it needs a bunch of research and resources and links and stuff.
So instead you get: a day in the life of Crabby McSlacker as she attempts to work out in less than optimal conditions. From which you can draw inspiration, or alternatively, find yourself grateful you have an actual life.
As it happens, I’m writing this from a hotel room in Plano, Texas. I’m not Austin right now, part of a family visit thing. So I don’t have my normal gym to go to.
But no worries, we’re staying at a Homewood Suites! Homewood Suites are generally pretty good about having a fitness rooms, and this one even had a pool. I brought my swimsuit and was hoping to do my not-yet world famous Aqua-Aerobics for Cowards workout.
However, on further investigation I discovered several horrible unexpected surprises:
1. The pool looked inviting but was, tragically, unheated.
2. When I decided to work out in the fitness room instead, I discovered, upon getting dressed, that I’d forgotten to pack my sports bra. I could make do with the regular kind, I had an extra, but still. It put me in a grumpy mood.
3. The fitness room did have a couple of elliptical machines, but not my favorite kind, the Precor ones with an adjustable incline. They didn’t even have the much less satisfactory Precor model without the adjustable incline. Instead, they had some shitty other brand I don’t like, a brand so substandard it forced my camera to take dark, blurry depressing photos.